As I’ve said before, I’ve lived in Valencia twice. When I lived here from 2013-2015, I was “trying on” what it was like to live abroad. I didn’t arrive with a social group, and I didn’t really have an idea of how to build one. Instead, I initially relied on two different groups of ready-made acquaintances: International (for English-speaking experiences) and Yelp (for Spanish-speaking experiences). Both provided regular meetups that focused on gathering people with like interests together. I also appreciated that the two groups were filled with people supporting a range of ages, interests, occupations, and enthusiasm.

I’m very lucky that I made friends in both groups who are still my friends today. Since moving back in 2021, I have tackled a different method for making friends and acquaintances. I think it’s important to note that I am an extrovert, and I’m more comfortable meeting new people and trying new experiences. If you are an introvert, though, be encouraged! Many of the things I do to make friends are personal interactions and I can choose to be as engaged as I wish without feeling overwhelmed.

Conversely, staying in the “expat bubble” where you are only participating in events or relationships that are exclusively either expats or English-speaking can prevent you from learning the local language. Staying exclusively within the expat bubble can feel comfortable, but it often keeps you at arm’s length from the true rhythm of your new home. While you may need that comfort initially to approach and join the new culture, it can be a boundary between your dreams of exploring a new culture and really experiencing the local flavor.

I knew from the beginning of my expat experience that I wanted to be more than just an observer of culture, but a participant. And to do that, I needed to make many different types of friends. Expats, local folks who put up my bad Spanish, classmates, and even local business owners have all been woven into my social circle.

Making friends with other expats

Let’s face it, expats have a lot of things in common. The journey of leaving your original home is a familiar life experience that can support easy conversations and making friends more easily. Aside from being able to learn from one another, you also can develop a social group that is a small slice of home, even in a new country.

From my experience, the best way to connect with others is to join a group through several online tools. Many communities have Facebook groups dedicated to expats from specific countries. I have had quite a bit of success with Internations, because they hold regular events and you can connect with others online, even through the “free” membership tier. Some cities with universities also have an “American Space”, which can be a great place to meet other Americans who have left the US. Finally, I also recommend Meetup.com, a community-driven collection of different groups, some of which might be specifically for expats in your local area.

Local friends

When I lived here before, I was dating someone who was from my adopted city. While I was a fairly oblivious “plus one” to parties and events, being someone’s date was a great way to interact in a positive setting. Now that I am living here again, I have different methods for making friends, most of which fall into the “extending my network” category. While this is a fairly organic process, it only takes a single mixer or language exchange to start making friends. There are numerous language exchange meetings held by local language schools, and many people want to learn English. When you “click” with someone, get their number and set up a coffee date.

I have had good luck having conversations with people sitting near me in various events and ended up building a friendships that have been very nurturing. Here are some places and ways that I have met people: Holiday parties, birthday dinners, language exchanges, locally-run classes, and being a “regular” at a local cafe. For example, in my sewing class (yep, that’s become a hobby!), I have met several local folks. The owners of a local coffee shop have become friends. We have said yes to music festivals, dinners at people’s homes, and invited people to our house.

I guess the trick is to find people who are interested in the same thing you are as a way to build the initial steps toward a friendship. Do you like swimming? Join a local swimming group. Do you want to learn pottery or ceramics? Join a class. That person sitting on the couch at a holiday party? Ask them for their favorite places in your new home. Asked to go on a short vacation to participate in a music festival? Sign me up.

[As I am writing this, I just got a text from a friend who is visiting his family in his pueblo this weekend, but wanted to meet for coffee later this week. We met through a mutual friend and started chatting during our friend’s birthday party. Now we are coffee-mates, and really enjoy our conversations!]

Finally, Clever Expat, let me encourage you to move in a direction that works for you. If you still need a gentle entry into a social group, then the expat bubble may be your first landing spot. If you wish to grow your local social connections, then you will have to extend yourself. You may have to learn some language. You may have to open yourself to new experiences, but overcoming that fear of the unknown is a rewarding action. Local friends are often the key to truly fitting into your new home and moving some steps closer to being a local, not just a resident.

I believe in you. You CAN do this.

While this post is about making friends as an expat, and I still have more to share. Stay tuned for more about language barriers, bureaucracy, and even vacation expectations.

Want to learn more? Check out the book recommendation below!

Keep exploring!

The Clever Expat