Dear Clever Expat,

You may be wondering what it’s like to integrate yourself into a new culture abroad, and I have to admit that this has been an ongoing struggle for me. In this post, let’s talk about the things you can do to more effectively embrace a new chapter in your life and culture. I’ve found that a new resident needs a cultural “hook” to get them started as a new participant in an established social structure.

In my case, I have found a small group of friends that help me enlarge my horizons. Some are Spanish, some are Latin American, and some are from the US like me. What we all have in common is a desire to explore, to seek out immersion opportunities, to enlarge our understanding of Spain in meaningful ways.

That is why I am more likely to say “yes” when someone asks me or us to participate in a new adventure. Not every time, but frequently. Here are some things that I agreed to do and feel all the richer for:

• Spent the weekend with a friend in Ondara, a small pueblo near Valencia. We had a lovely time and he showed us some beautiful sites nearby. We would never have seen them otherwise, and we even had lunch on the side of a mountain in a restaurant that served a specialty of wild boar.
• Visited Benidormfest and gone on vacation with a new group of friends that are incredibly kind and welcoming, and put up with my limited Spanish skills. These friends have done many things together, and now they are making space for us to participate, too.
• Gone to theater and improv comedy events featuring friends of some of our friends. Did I understand much? Uhhhm. No. But I was there and enjoyed participating in the event. It’s a good reason to continue working on my language skills!
• Enjoyed a baroque music concert in a fantastic rococo church that has been dubbed “the Cistene Chapel of Valencia.” When I shared the event with a social chat to see if a friend or two wanted to go with me, the interest was surprising. We suddenly had a 15-person contingent of Americans and expats who joined me!
• Visited museums and art installations in Valencia with a friend who has a deep appreciation for art and local history. Whether it was a walking tour for a route of nativity scenes or a local history museum, I was able to learn and practice Spanish with native speakers in a relaxed setting.
• Attended dinners to celebrate birthdays and other special occasions. Typically, this is a great way to meet new people, especially since we have at least one friend in common. I belong to several overlapping social groups, some of which are in English, some that require my Spanish skills, and some that vacillate between two (or more) languages.
• Gone to friends’ homes for authentically Valencian meals. Whether it has been paella, a holiday event meal, or other seasonal meals that celebrate the season with typical fruits and vegetables, I have been absolutely amazed at the hospitality and caring that my friends have put into having others over.
• Participated in a now-regular table games night where we switch between Spanish and English, depending on who is attending. The conversation goes in so many directions while you are collaborating or competing with others in the game.

Each of these events required me to say “yes,” even when it was perhaps inconvenient, a late night, or going into an environment where I did not know what to expect. Whether it’s people that I don’t know, situations I don’t fully understand, or generosity of folks I have only casually met, I feel very lucky to be invited and to participate.

Saying yes is a skill, and it’s one that you can practice now before moving abroad. Join a meetup group, take a special-interest class, or reach out to an acquaintance that you have met in the past. Make the time to enlarge yourself and meet new people. You may not have much success at first, but the practice is a key expat skill!

Why should you say yes as an expat? There are some really good reasons for saying yes with enthusiasm:

You need a tribe. Moving to a new country strips away your familiar social circles. Saying yes to new people and experiences helps rebuild that network quickly and supports your appreciation of your new community.

You Learn the Culture Faster. I learned more about Spanish customs, humor, and lifestyle from spontaneous invites than I ever could from books or apps.

You are more likely to make friends through new experiences. New friendships can come from the most unlikely encounters—a shared bench at a language exchange, a coffee with a new acquaintance, a neighbor asking for help, or a colleague’s casual after-work drink invite.

Moving abroad comes with both challenges and incredible opportunities, and one of the most powerful tools for integration is simply saying “yes.” Embracing invitations—from weekend trips to small towns and cultural outings, to dinners and game nights—has helped me forge meaningful friendships and immerse myself in Spanish life. Building a sense of belonging abroad often starts with small acts of courage and openness, even when language or uncertainty makes it daunting. Saying yes isn’t always easy, but it’s a vital expat skill that creates connection, deepens cultural understanding, and enriches your everyday life.

Keep exploring!

The Clever Expat

Dear Clever Expat,

This is the second of a series of posts about what I have learned while living abroad. Read the first post here.

In short, I live in Valencia, Spain, and this is my second time living here. This time I’ve lived here since 2021.

In many countries, the culture of food is indicative of the spirit of the people. In this post, we’ll talk about the gastronomy culture, from grocery stores to what it’s like to have a meal with friends, and even touch on my experiences as a vegetarian.

Gastronomy as a culture

When I moved back to Spain in 2021, I was looking forward to exploring the Spanish way of cooking, eating, and enjoying meals. In the US, I was used to rushed meals in restaurants that were often mediocre and expensive. One hour, MAX, was our time at the table, with the waiter coming to the table and leaving the check saying, “I’ll just leave this here for when you are done.” Finding good vegetables that were fresh, flavorful, and reasonably priced was a serious endeavor. Eating in the car was normal, with fast food available on every corner.

Here, the contrast is significant. The food culture of Spain is deep, and even simple dishes can be elevated to a new level because of your table partners. You will rarely see people eating and walking here. Instead, even stopping by a bar or cafe for a quick bite to eat is an opportunity to relax, take in your surroundings, and get reoriented to the moment. As a rule, eating is an important part of the day, and is treated with respect.

As an example, look at the six potential times to eat in Valencia:

1. Breakfast (usually something quick like toast with tomato or jam and coffee)
2. Almuerzo (the mid-morning break, where you might have a sandwich and a beer or wine… or just a croissant and a coffee)
3. Lunch (larger meal that usually involves a protein, a carb, and a vegetable, so expect a variety of things on the plate)
4. Merienda (afternoon break for something sweet and a coffee or tea)
5. Dinner / Supper (a substantial meal to finish the day, usually eaten after 9:00PM and up to midnight)
6. Resupón (a “re-supper” for a meal or a bite after being out with friends – think going to a diner after a nightclub)

Do people eat all of these? Maybe, but most people choose the ones that make the most sense for their schedules. Many office workers go out together to a coffee shop at around 11:00AM for almuerzo. School may release students to go home for lunch. Really, it depends on the person or family, the day, and the occasion. Weekends may follow a completely different rhythm than weekdays, and as an immigrant here in Spain, I’ve learned a lot by watching people choose uniquely Spanish eating cultures.

And if you are in a restaurant, you typically have the table until the restaurant closes to prepare for the dinner crowd or closes for the night. Rarely have I been rushed out of a restaurant to turn the table for new diners. In fact, it’s considered quite rude to get your food and immediately ask for the check.

I have learned to love sobremesa

Since eating in Spain is a culture of enjoying your food and your friends, it makes sense that people spend much longer at the table to chat, share ideas, have a post-dinner drink or aperitif/small shots of a (usually sweet) “digestive” liquor.

As an expat, I first found this practice a bit much, because I had finished my meal and was now ready to leave the table. Over time, I came to enjoy and really look forward to the time at the table. When the rush is removed, everyone has eaten, and you have no other plans that evening, the conversation part comes easy. It’s not necessarily that the food makes the meal special, it’s the conversation.

I feel that in the US, special meals come with contentious conversations (think about the reality of Thanksgiving Dinner arguments!). In Spain the conversations can more casually cover the topics of each person’s life. There’s a real interest in hearing what others have to say. This means that meals can last for many hours, especially big holiday meals with family.

Sobremesa is about treating the others at the table as the special part of the meal. And frankly, I love the tradition.

The mysterious world of grocery shopping

The focus on quality food is evident in the supermarkets. While prices for many items are quite low, there are very few pre-prepared dishes or meals. Yes, you can buy a refrigerated pizza to cook at home, but you will have a higher quality and tastier result if you get the ingredients for that pizza that you assemble at home. And the interesting thing is that the pricing works out in your favor, too.

As you might expect, the items available in the grocery stores are geared to the Spanish palate. Spices are considerably fresher in my experience, but you won’t find more specialized ingredients, like marjoram or mace. You’ll either have to find those in a foreigner-focused food store or online. Which is why I have an enormous amount of dried marjoram in my cabinets as I write this. (Who knew that 250 grams of marjoram is about the size of a brick!)

Fruits and vegetables are much cheaper than in the US and typically don’t travel nearly as far to get to the grocery store. That means the produce has flavor, and while the selection is limited (see the note on the Spanish palate above; I have not been able to find green onions anywhere other than the central farmer’s market), what is available is typically high quality. And if you want even higher quality, you can find a neighborhood green grocer who will happily sell you locally sourced produce in a variety that changes seasonally.

If you go to the grocery store in Spain, be prepared for the checkout process. The food will be scanned and often slid down the counter extremely rapidly. I have seen this in multiple supermarkets and in multiple supermarket chains. You are somehow supposed to be catching (and bagging) the groceries as they are being scanned AND be ready to pay for your groceries. (Here’s a video that might help you understand.)

Overall, I have learned that it’s much easier to find quality ingredients at a lower price in Spanish grocery stores. You may not have as much variety, but I enjoy cooking. I definitely appreciate the items that I can use to create tasty meals.

The meat culture

One thing that consistently shocks my new Spanish acquaintances: I am a vegetarian. Aside from their inability to comprehend why I wouldn’t be in love with meat the way that most Spaniards are, my friends are often quick to champion my dietary requirements to waiters if we are at a restaurant. It’s a strange paradox of being low-level offended that I don’t eat meat and then making sure that others understand that I don’t eat meat.

I’ve been vegetarian for 33 years. I remember when some of the popular vegetarian and vegan products on the market today were first appearing on shelves in specialty markets and later in supermarkets. I have no interest in eating bacon, fish, ham, or beef. And I have to explain that frequently. “How do you know you don’t like jamón if you haven’t tried it,” someone will ask. I assure them that I will live perfectly well without meat on my plate.

At times, this is almost comical (less so if I am hungry!), but I am now used to all-meat restaurants. I am all-too familiar with the “vegetable sandwich” containing tuna. I have answered countless questions about what I actually eat and do I get enough protein? (Yes, thank you. I am a big fan of beans!) Meat is a big part of the eating culture here, and I’m thankful that I have been able to navigate through this to enjoy some spectacular meals.

More and more restaurants in Valencia are also offering vegetarian-only menus or vegan dishes that are more than just some frozen meat alternative on a bun. It’s a growing opportunity, as more and more people are plant-based eating here in Valencia. And with the seasonal produce, this is a foodie’s dream opportunity. I’m happy about that, and look forward to being able to find veggie-forward dishes in more and more restaurants.

While this post is about the food culture in Valencia, and I still have more to share. Stay tuned for more about language barriers, bureaucracy, and even vacation expectations.

Want to learn more? Check out the book recommendation below!

Keep exploring!

The Clever Expat

Dear Clever Expat,

This is the first of a series of posts about what I have learned while living abroad. It’s a long list, and I plan on spreading this out fairly logically.

I live in Valencia, Spain, and this is my second time living here. My first run was in 2013-2015, and this time I’ve lived here since 2021. I moved back for a job and held a space in my life for moving back to Spain. When the time was right, my husband and I moved back to Spain with a passion for new adventures.

As with any move abroad, it takes a lot of courage and fortitude to withstand the challenges of living in a new country. With every challenge we have figured out or overcome, we have become stronger and more resilient. There is still a lot of room for growth, but I am so happy to be where I am now.

So let’s get into it!

The Cost of Living

Being in Spain means that there are differences in economies. The dollar and Euro are in a tight dance as I write this, making some minor and not-so-minor shifts in how far my American money will go. That’s true for every country, even in countries that use the US dollar as their standard currency, like Ecuador, El Salvador, the British Virgin Islands and the Turks and Caicos Islands, and Zimbabwe. (Did you know that? And there are dozens of other countries that use the US dollar along with the local currency!)

In terms of buying power, our money tends to go further. Inflation has hit here, too, and there is a housing price bubble that has expanded to be out of reach for most local people. This is due in part to the tourism industry, and people owning multiple homes without living in them. As a result, the supply of homes is down, and the prices go up.

Still, our grocery bill is much lower than in the US, and other services are significantly less expensive. We knew we were going to have a “lean” budget when we moved here, and that mindset has set us up for longer-term success.

I love public transportation.

In the US, public transportation is not perceived as a positive thing. Here in Europe, and in other countries, public transportation is a fantastic option for all sorts of travel. Conveniently, one ticket works for multiple modes of transportation: city-wide bus, longer-distance bus, metro train (subway), and trams. And you know how much a ticket for 10 rides costs? About $4.

Public transportation here is clean, fairly frequent, and very handy. I much prefer it to having to own a car where there is a real parking shortage, in a city like Valencia. Plus, do you know how many rides I would have to go on to compare to a car payment and insurance? I really like those economics, and if I want to splurge and take a taxi somewhere, I do that, too.

Medical care is different

I know, this this not much of a shocking revelation. But my thinking about medicine has changed since moving here. I have a private insurance plan that gives me relatively inexpensive access to dozens of local private hospitals and a plethora of clinics. And copays don’t exist here.

Okay, that last statement is a lie. I pay a copay of 3 Euros every time I go to the dentist. That is a far cry from the $100 I would spend on copays going to my regular doctor for a checkup in the US.

And recently I was approved to get the public healthcare, too. I’m still trying to figure that out successfully, but I’m paying 60 Euros a month to access healthcare with no additional costs and no preexisting condition clauses.

The care I have received from doctors here has been quite satisfactory, although sometimes it’s a challenge to get the doctors to listen to me. I’ve had a few blunders, but it was all straightened out eventually. Let’s be honest, the problem is probably my limited Spanish and medical vocabulary.

The lifestyle is healthier

There are three components to this lesson for me: movement, eating, and community. The first, movement, is baked in to the way the city is built. It’s absolutely normal to walk 20 to 30 minutes to a coffee with a friend, a store, or an appointment. Valencia is fairly flat and walking is easy. You’re also in good company on the sidewalks, because lots of other people are walking, too.

And that’s just the beginning. Movement, whether it is going to the grocery store or the gym, is more common. You’re not stuck in your car for hours a day, or confined to your office or home environments. There is a life to be enjoyed outside.

And then there’s the food. The quality of the food here is ridiculously high compared to the US. Fruits and vegetables are readily accessible and follow a seasonal pattern of availability. There’s much less pre-prepared food available in the supermarkets. What you can buy is ingredients to make a meal. Frankly, I like that. And eating out is often inexpensive enough to enjoy a satisfying meal without breaking the bank.

Which brings me to my last point: community. Spain is an inherently social country, and friends and family are deeply intertwined. Social time together might be having an afternoon bite to eat together, or a beer after work. It might be going for a walk in a scenic area of town. It might be going to a nightclub to see a performer who is visiting the city.

One of the things we learned early on is just how connected people are here. There are so many connections of friends and it’s not unusual to see neighbors on the street stopping to share the latest news on pretty much anything. We have worked hard to live up to the community standards that we perceive, but we have so much more to learn.

In my next posts, I’ll be sharing some other lessons that I have learned about my adopted culture and country. There’s so much more to tell about food, language barriers, bureaucracy, and even vacation expectations. 

Want to learn more? Check out the book recommendation below!

Keep exploring!

The Clever Expat

Dear Traveler,

Researching for your new life abroad requires a few detective skills. However, the internet has made it possible to gather information quite efficiently, and with both facts and anecdotes from people who have made the “expat leap” before you.

Your first research task is both the easiest and the hardest. The easiest because you don’t have to have any research materials, but the hardest because you must come up with the answers yourself. To begin your research, you need to ask yourself what kind of expat life you want.

• Do you want to be an expat a few months out of a year?
• What are your motives for moving abroad?
• Do you want to be an expat for the foreseeable future, like retiring abroad?
• Do you know where you want to be? What is drawing you to that location?
• What do you want to be able to do as an expat that you can’t do now?

Once you have those answers, you can begin to research more concisely. For example, many people begin by looking at places with a lower cost of living or better healthcare and living conditions than where they are now. Some people want to take on the challenge of learning a new language and culture. Still others want to be located where they can travel to the countries they have only dreamed of visiting.

There’s no set pattern for anyone’s research process. I have found that watching other expats’ travel videos on YouTube has been both inspiring and intriguing. Video creators have explored culture, financial experiences, healthcare, and so much more.

I have also spent quite a bit of time reading about an area and a culture. There are so many useful websites that can help you calculate cost of living (like Expatistan and Numbeo). There are websites that detail healthcare options in countries. And then there are more general resources, like what you can find in books and other publications.

That’s why I created the Clever Expat Bookshelf.

Regardless of how you conduct your research, remember to continue to focus on your goals and dreams. There may be many options to discover your next home somewhere else in the world.

Keep exploring!
The Clever Expat